Planning a funeral/memorial/celebration of life service is an incredibly emotional experience. It is an integral part of the healing process and it will be a day that you remember for the rest of your life. One thing that I want to mention is that no matter what your financial circumstances are, you have options. Even if there has been some time that has passed since your baby or child died, you can still do something in memory of them. If you are unable to afford a funeral company to handle things you can always gather family and friends in your home or open space like a park or beach. Have a trusted friend or family member host the celebration of your little one’s life. Below are some ideas on poetry, readings and music you could use.
There are so many decisions to make and it can be very overwhelming. So take your time.
♥ Burial or Cremation.
Choosing whether to bury your child or have them cremated is a very personal one. Having your child buried in a cemetery will mean that you will always have a place to visit when you feel you want to be close to them. Especially on their birthday and anniversary. Having your child cremated means that you are able to keep their ashes in your home with you. You can decide whether or not to scatter some or all of their ashes at any time in the future. Nowadays you are even able to have some of their ashes placed within a piece of jewellery. Spend some time with this decision.
♥ When There Are No Remains.
If you miscarried your baby and were not given any of your child’s remains you can still have a memorial service. Gather your close loved ones in a place that is special to you. Have poetry read out. Play a beautiful piece of music. Light some candles. Watch the sunset in their honour. Depending on where you are, if you are near water, like a river, lake or ocean you could release some flower petals. If you have children attending, they could blow bubbles. If you have your gathering out in nature take some of the Earth home with you to place in a jar or your own special garden to remember your baby by. Write your baby’s name or or draw hearts in the earth. You can invite everyone to do the same and take photos for you.
♥ Ask For Help
Planning your baby’s memorial service may be exhausting. Ask a trusted family member or friend to help if you need it.
♥ Guidance and Ideas For A Funeral/Memorial Service
Think about whether or not you would like to see your baby before the service.
Choose a special outfit for your child to wear.
You could have them wrapped in a special blanket.
Place a special toy with your baby.
Write your baby a letter to be placed with him or her.
If you have other children do not be afraid to involve them in the service. They may want to write a letter or draw a picture for their sibling and have it placed with them in their casket.
Ask to hold your baby again if you really want to.
Have a close friend or family member read out some beautiful words or poetry.
You might like to think about having a candlelight service. These are generally held at sunset. The parents light the first candle and everybody who is attending comes up to lights a candle too. This is such a warm, even magical way to say good bye to your precious child.
Ask people to bring a flower with them to be place on your child’s casket.
If you have a ceremony on the beach you could invite everyone to write your child’s name in the sand. Everyone can take photographs and send them to you to make a special collage.
Romantic Flight from How To Train Your Dragon
Now We Are Free from Gladiator
Bella’s Lullaby from Twilight
My Name Is Lincoln from The Island
Waterways by Ludivico Einaudi
Coming Home from Man On Fire
Starchild – Lucinda Drayton
To Where You Are – Josh Groban
Held – Natalie Grant
MLK – U2
I Will Remember You – Sarah McLachlan
Angel – Sarah McLachlan
Somewhere Over The Rainbow – Israel Kamakawiwo’ole’s Version
To Build A Home – The Cinematic Orchestra
Wait On The Day – Casey Barnes
♥ Poems and Quotes (You may want to write your own)
An Angel in the book of life
wrote down our baby’s date of birth
and whispered as she closed the book
“Too beautiful for this Earth”
When the words were spoken
Words not wanting to believe
We had to say goodbye to joy
We were left alone to grieve
Our baby’s life was ended
Our love, our pain just grew
The anguish, tears and disbelief
Could this agony be true?
One day we had a treasure gift
Her suffering came to an end
A brave little angel, a memory now
A lost, beloved friend
Take away the tears from my eyes
Give me back part of my soul
A life, a treasured part of me
Until then I will not feel whole
– By Sheryl Mcmahon
The world may never notice
If a Snowdrop doesn’t bloom,
Or even pause to wonder
If the petals fall too soon.
But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity.
The little one we long for
Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do.
Every beating of our hearts
Says that we love you.
– Author Unknown
“I would rather have had one breath of his hair..
one kiss of his mouth..
one touch of his hand..
than an eternity without it..”
“Your life was a blessing,
Your memory a treasure…
You are loved beyond words
and missed beyond measure…”
Love is the scent with the lotus born.
It is the silent choirs of petals
Singing the winter’s harmony of uniform beauty.
Love is the song of the soul, singing to God.
It is the balanced rhythmic dance of planets – sun and moon lit
– Paramahansa Yoganada
How very softly you tiptoed into my world.
Almost silently you stayed,
but what an imprint your footsteps
have left upon my heart
A heart of gold stopped beating
My baby girl’s eyes at rest
God broke our hearts to prove,
He only takes the best.
God knew she had to leave us,
but she did not go alone.
For part of us went with her,
the day He took her home.
To some she is forgotten,
to others…just the past,
but to us who loved and lost her
memories will always last.
By Dorothy Ferguson
“Love is not a thing to understand.
Love is not a thing to feel.
Love is not a thing to give and receive.
Love is a thing only to become
And eternally be.
– Sri Chinmoy
When you are sorrowful look again into your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
The Prophet – Khalil Gibran