In the Spring of 2006 Sam and I were married in a small chapel on a hilltop in West Leederville, Western Australia. As we said our wedding vows, I remembered standing there holding Sam’s hands thinking that our life together was going to be so beautiful. Our first born daughter was 8 months old and Christian was a baby wrapped up in my womb. I never imagined that 5 months later our world would fall apart.
When we were given the news that our unborn son was gravely ill and that it was only a matter of time before he would die, we made a decision to walk this road together. I am blessed beyond words to have walked this road with such a loving, caring man. I know that this is not always the case in others situations.
In the early days after Christian died, Sam and I grieved as one person. Our sadness was so intense and we both really held one another up, but after some time passed, Sam and I came to a fork in the road and took different paths on this walk of grief. Sam stopped talking about Christian. He would speak about him only if I brought Christian up in conversation first. I remember there were times when I wished Sam would start a conversation with me about Christian but it rarely ever happened. After a while I realized that although at times it can be difficult, we do not have to grieve the same way and that it is okay to grieve differently. Just because I like to talk about Christian and Sam does not, doesn’t mean that he loves our son any less than I do. We have both accepted the fact that we are different and therefore we will not grieve the same way. We both respect each others journey of grief. It is all about communicating and being honest with each other. I found it helpful to find other people to talk to about Christian. They became my people.
Be gentle with each other. This is hopefully the most difficult thing you will ever have to live through.