I am feeling very blessed by all of the women in this community tonight. It may be our grief that unites us but it is our mothering hearts that make our community so incredibly supportive and healing. May you all find light in the darkness wherever you are in this world.

Today I was graced by the presence of some wonderful mother’s from the baby loss and infertility community. After many technical difficulties we were finally able to come together and speak aloud about what it is like to go through Mother’s Day as a mother who grieves for her babies or for her fertility. You can watch the chat through this youtube video. Please excuse the first few minutes. A special thanks to Jonathan the Director of The STILL Project for coming to my aid to help me host the hangout from behind the scenes.

On Monday night as I stepped barefoot into the sand of our beautiful beach, my youngest daughter who I was carrying at the time, wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me on the cheek. “Love you Mama”  she spoke quietly to me. My goodness she is so beautiful. We named her Ocea after the ocean. She fits her name perfectly. I watched my other daughters run off towards the sun and sea. Their skin glowed with warm sunlight. This was a special day for us.

He was there.

Sam took the girls a little further up the beach and I began to write some names in the sand. After a few minutes the most beautiful thing occurred. It began to rain over the ocean. Peach coloured rain. Oh my goodness, what a sight. As I looked over at Sam her smiled and pointed behind me to the sand dunes. As I turned around I gasped for air. There before us appeared a full rainbow. It covered the entire beach. It’s intense energy was felt by all who stood on the beach. We have only ever seen a couple of rainbows down there before but never a complete one. I gathered my sweet hearts together and I wrote Christian’s name. The rainbow appeared to be raining too. What a gift. I stood in the water as the sky sprinkled peach magic over us all. “Thank you” I whispered to Heaven as I photographed my children all together.

How I have longed for this photograph.

I wrote my 17,000th name that night. The saddest thing about that number is that it’s only a drop in the ocean of how many babies and children are actually missed by their parents, families and friends each day. So much sorrow, yet so much love.

I never imagined this beach would ever reach so many hearts around the world. I pray it will continue to help heal hearts for a very long time to come.

I spent the last sunset of 2012 swimming in the ocean with my family and good friends. It was beautiful, cleansing, refreshing, healing.

I thought about all of the blessings in my life.

I want to take this moment to thank everyone for their love, support and encouragement over the past year. I feel truly blessed to be surrounded by so many wonderful people in this life.

To everyone on facebook who throws their love at me even if it just by clicking the like button on my photos… thank you so much. I don’t think anyone actually knows how much it means to me. I probably should tell you more often. Thank you for sharing my work with your friends and family. I sometimes have to pinch myself to actually believe that people want to share my work with the people they love. I feel so encouraged.

I want to send all my love and apologies to those who have tried to contact me this year and have had no luck. I am so sorry that I could not find the time to see your message. It is something that I struggle with on a daily basis. I know how to fix the problem, but the solution involves expanding my work and bringing other people into it.  I am afraid of my work losing it’s meaning and heart if I expand it. So to those of you who I could not reply to, I thank you for understanding.

To the wonderful, amazing, brave, creative, beautiful people who sent me prayer flags for our Luminous Light Remembrance Ceremony I still do not have the words to adequately explain how I feel about you all. I keep all of your letters and stories on my shelf above my computer in my studio. They inspire me to keep on going. To everyone still waiting on photographs of your babies and children’s flags, I am so sorry it has taken me this long to complete them. I just had no idea I would receive so many! I am happy to say that I think I will be finished photographing them within the next two weeks. Thank you so much for your incredible patience! To my beautiful Mum , Annie…. I could never thank you enough for your help with this massive project.

To my friend Andy from Gormaymax Photography. There are no words for the generosity you have shown our family. Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to photograph the ceremony for the 3rd year in a row. My family and I think the world of you. To Mr Heartfelt, Gav Blue, thank you for taking your time out of your busy schedule to come and visit Christian’s Beach. It was such a wonderful time for me! To the beautiful ladies at SIDS and Kids in Queensland, thank you so much for having me back in November. It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. Kim and Esther, you are doing an incredible job over there. I am so grateful that the people of Queensland have you to help them if they need it. To Margaret at the Community News here in Perth, thank you so much for all your beautiful articles about my work. We are so grateful to have met you and Bruce.

To all the gorgeous girls at Luminous Light. I think you are all amazing! Thank you so much for coming to our events and making them everything that they are. An extra hug to all the new girls who came to my home when they had never met any of us previously. You are so brave, I admire you all. Every year I feel more inspired by your giving hearts. I look forward to an amazing 2013 with you all. To my LL Leaders, Em, Amy and Keels… I’d be lost without you. Thank you my loves.

To the local hospitals here in Perth, especially King Edward Memorial Hospital, thank you so much for accepting our Luminous Light Memory Boxes and Miscarriage care packs. We like to believe that we give healing to the families who receive our gifts but it is also us who heal through the experience.

To my gorgeous girlfriend Franchesca all the way over in Texas who is watching over her gorgeous baby girl in the NICU as I type, I love you! Thank you for inspiring me on a daily basis. Thank you for allowing me to write for your beautiful, empowering, inspiring and healing Still Standing Magazine. It is a privilege and an honour. Thank you for sharing Lost For Words with me. I hope that this next year is the year that I can give you a hug in person.

To everyone that purchased a photograph from me this year… Thank you so much. It is because of you that I am able to keep creating. I truly appreciate your kindness and generosity.

Lastly to my beautiful family and friends, thank you for loving me. Thank you for being there for me. I so look forward to this new year with you all. I know it holds so many wonderful things for us all.

Wherever you are around the world, no matter where you are at on this road, I wish you all the love and blessings in the world for this new year.

May peace be yours.

I’m so broken today.

Like the rest of Australia, I woke to the news of the children and people whose lives were taken from them in Connecticut this morning. I weep as I imagine the terror that these little innocent souls would have faced. I imagine them calling for their mamas to rescue them and their parents who were powerless to help their beautiful children, because they were not there. I think of those waiting to hear of their child’s death. I cry for the teachers who tried to protect their students and lost their lives in the process. I think of the precious little ones who witnessed what can only be described as a nightmare. Only this nightmare is real.

Our world hurts today.

What a terribly cruel place we all live in. I often ask myself why did I make the choice to bring children into such a broken, horrible place.

We live on the other side of the world and yet this tragedy is so close to home.

I watch my daughters. They are oblivious to it all. They’re innocent. As all children are. I worry for them everytime they leave the house without me. I will never stop worrying.

We mourn with you America, we take on your hurt, we will share your grief. We will honour and remember your children, friends and family members with you.

We send our deepest love and our greatest prayers to you all on this day of sorrow.

Over the next few weeks I will be photographing over 350 prayer flags at Christian’s Beach. Because there are so many flags, to make it easier for everyone to find their photos I am going to make alphabetical albums. There will be a few extra albums for unnamed babies and flags that have multiple names on them.

All of the photos will be placed up on my facebook page. If you made a flag and sent it into us you are very welcome to copy/download your photo straight from my facebook page. Out of respect to the other families who sent in flags, please only copy/download the photos that your flag appears in. The photos are for personal use only.

I will add each album here as soon as I have completed them.

Thank you so much for your patience. I look forward to photographing them all.

The following albums have been completed…

Album A

Album B

Album C

Album D E

Album F G H

Album I J

Album K

Album L

Album M N O P Q R

Album S T

Album V W X Y Z

Album Anonymous Flags and Flags with “Baby”

Album With Multiple Names Per Flag

{My prayer flag for Christian along with all the stories that came with each prayer flag from around the world}

Before I head off for the weekend I wanted to share an update on the ceremony we had last Sunday. It all went beautifully. We had around 150 people come to share the evening with us. There was only one let down. The weather.

Unfortunately due to the strong winds, stormy sky and rain we were not able to hold the ceremony on the beach as first planned so we held it in a hall across the road from the beach. I cried for 2 hours over this. I felt that my dream that had now become so many others dreams had been crushed. It wasn’t until the evening that I realized that it really would not have been possible to do it all at the beach anyway as there were just too many flags.

The ceremony was still so very heartwarming. It just wasn’t the one we had planned. We displayed the 333 prayer flags which turned the hall into a magnificent art gallery.It was a breath-taking site that brought many tears to everyone’s eyes.

We had people attend the ceremony who were not directly affected by a loss but were there to represent friends from overseas who had sent us in prayer flags. We had people fly over from interstate for the ceremony too which I still cannot believe. It was such an emotional evening for me to meet so many new people. I struggled through tears to get through my speeches. We read poems, there was a memorial tribute video presentation, I read aloud my latest article from Still Standing Magazine and I spoke about the importance of making noise about pregnancy, infant and child loss so that we continue to break the silence. To conclude the ceremony we held a balloon release just outside before the rain began. The balloons seem to disappear so very quickly. After that we (thanks to my very gorgeous Luminous Light volunteers) put on a supper for everyone and people spent sometime walking around our AMAZING art gallery. We sent everyone home with a self-care package which included a thank you note along with a chamomile tea bag, a scented tea light candle and a sunset/twilight meditation to help people calm their hearts after such an emotional evening.

Over the next couple of weeks I will be taking all of the flags as promised to the beach at sundown to photograph them individually by candlelight. I will be creating alphabetical albums for them to all go up in on facebook so it will be relatively easy for you to find your own flags. I will begin this journey this Sunday evening.

To everyone that helped us out on the evening, I am eternally grateful. Thank you. And to the families of the 333 prayer flags, all my love, peace and blessings to you. I look forward to photographing your babies and children’s prayer flags. I will light a candle for them. Thank you for being a part of my dream.

Booklet Submissions Now Closed.

To honour all of the babies and children gone to soon my girlfriends and I at Luminous Light are holding a Iluminated Light ceremony at Sorrento Beach Community Hall on October 14th. We will be lighting candles, reading poetry, releasing balloons and there will also be a tribute film clip to be viewed. We will be graced by the beauty of over 300 Prayer Flags that have been sent to us from all over the world by parents, friends and family who are remembering their precious babies and children.

If you would like your babies and children’s names placed into our remembrance book that will be placed at the base of a beautiful Sunset Butterfly please enter their names into the form below. On Sunday morning I will be printing out all of the names to compile the booklet.

After you have entered your babies and children’s names please make sure you leave your tribute under the Sunset Butterfly on Facebook or if you do not have a facebook account you can leave your tribute in a comment here.

Wishing you all much love and peace for this October 15th.

We will speak their names. We will honour them. We will remember them.

The girls and I at Luminous Light would like to welcome you to come and join us this Sunday to remember the lives of all the babies and children that have left us too soon.

This year we will be holding a candle light service and at the end of the ceremony we will be releasing balloons as the sun sets into the sea. So please bring a helium balloon to release in memory of your babies and children. You can purchase them at Spotlight, which is now open on a Sunday!  There will be bubbles and glow sticks for the children who attend on the evening. Thanks to the amazing volunteers who make up the Luminous Light who will be providing a light supper for everyone to enjoy.

This October for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, I’m hosting CAPTURE YOUR GRIEF 2012. If you have experienced the death of your baby/ies/child/ren, this project is designed just for you! It doesn’t matter whether you are only a week into this walk or you have been walking this road for 20 years, all are welcome to join in. Capture Your Grief is a 31 day photograph challenge. All you will need is the internet and a camera. It doesn’t have to be some big fancy DSLR – a phone camera or a pocket digital camera will be perfect. And if your camera is broken – you can still take part as in this project you are not required to take a new photo everyday.

You can join in this project through your own blog or website, your favourite social media website like facebook or twitter or any photo sharing website like pinterest or instagram. This is an opportunity for you to document your grief and your healing for a month and to share it with your chosen friends or if you want to, the world. You can be as creative with your photographs as you please. If you want to help break the taboo of this subject visit the PUBLIC event is through my facebook page to share their images and raise awareness! Please note that the photos placed up in the event page are public and can be viewed by anyone, so if you do not want the world to see your photographs, do not post them there.

I’m not massively concerned with having rules for this project, just make sure you only use your own photographs – don’t take someone else’s off the internet, it’s just not cool! If you only want to take part in a few of the days, that is great! If you want to do the full month – brilliant! The main thing is that this is a healing experience for you, and if we can all raise some awareness at the same time, that is a bonus! If you would rather keep your photos private, you are more than welcome to do that. So breathe this month in and make it just for you. A sweet idea would be to go and print all of your images at the end of the month and place them all into a special album for your memory box.

When posting your photos if you can just make sure that the beginning of your photo caption is titled with the day number and subject, for example: “Day 1. Sunrise” If you are joining from twitter or instagram you can use the hash tag #captureyourgrief

I have created 31 daily subjects. 1 for each day of the month. Some of the subjects may not entirely relate to you, or you may not feel comfortable with the subject so you are more than welcome to take a photo inspired by your own subject for that day. My subjects are simply a guideline. Below are the subjects with a few extra ideas to spark some inspiration in your heart.

Wishing everyone a beautiful, heart warming October! Thank you for taking part in this project! I will be posting my photos on here, facebook and pinterest!

{Click on this image to enlarge the view}

Day 1. Sunrise I thought it would be sweet for us all to capture the beginning of this beautiful project and important month by us all getting up early to photograph the sunrise from wherever we are in the world. I know depending on where you are and what climate you are in that there may not be a sunrise, but if you can still get to a window, snap a photo of the morning! When you share your photo online make sure you write what State/Country you are in and the time of the sunrise {just for fun!}
Day 2. Before Loss Self Portrait Share a photo of you before your loss. You could share a drawing/skecth or painting you have done if you would prefer that!
Day 3. After Loss Self Portrait Share a photo of you after your loss. Sam as yesterday if you would prefer to you can share a drawing/skecth or painting you have done!
Day 4. Most Treasured Item Something that relates to your baby/ies/child/ren. Maybe it is their hand and foot prints or a photograph. Whatever it is we would love to see it.
Day 5. Memorial This could be anything you have had done in memory of your baby/ies/child/ren. It could be their plaque at the cemetery or a tree that has been planted in their memory, anything at all.
Day 6. What Not To Say Have you had something terrible said to you in the wake of your loss, write it on a piece of paper – photograph it – vent it.
Day 7. What To Say We all talk about the bad things people say to us but we rarely focus on the good that people say to us. Share a tip for those who don’t have any idea on what to say. Write it own – photograph it.
Day 8. Jewellery Do you have a piece of jewellery in memory of your baby/ies/child/ren? Share it!
Day 9. Special Place This could be a place that you visit that brings you peace. Maybe it is a place that you went to when you were pregnant or where your child’s place of rest is.
Day 10. Symbol Do you have a symbol for your baby/ies/child/ren? It could be a butterfly, dragonfly, a humming-bird, dolphin, seashell, share what it is and why it is so symbolic to you.
Day 11. Supportive Friends/Family Who has been there for you?
Day 12. Scents Do you have a scent that you relate to your baby/ies/child/ren? Is it a candle scent, perfume, food or maybe a flower? Share it with us!
Day 13. Signs If you believe in signs from your child/ren, share with us an experience you have had.
Day 14. Community Our community is so amazing, but with that being said, none of us want to be a member. Share a photo of a community gathering or event that you have attended.
Day 15. WAVE of LIGHT Today is October 15th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Light a candle at 7pm to help create a continuous wave of light around the world for 24 hours. Photograph your light!
Day 16. Release Balloons, lanterns, butterflies, doves.
Day 17. Anniversary/Birthday/Due Dates Share a photo of what you did for your baby/ies/child/rens special day. Did you hide away in bed? Did you have a cake? Did you have a party? What did you do?
Day 18. Your Family Portrait Take a photo of you with your family, work out a way to incorporate your baby/ies/child/ren who are no longer physically with you anymore. You could hold up photos of them or even just hold their names with you. What does your family look like now? Is it just you left here? Do you have a large family? Is it just you and your partner?
Day 19. Project Have you worked on any projects inspired by your loss? They could be anything from an art project to organizing memory boxes for a hospital. If you have not yet done a project you could share something that you would like to work on.
Day 20. Charity/Organization Share your favourite charity or organization that has touched your heart on this road of grief. If you don’t have a photograph to share, just simply post the link to their website!
Day 21. Altar/Shrine/Sacred Space Share a photo of your special place in your home/garden for your baby/ies/child/ren.
Day 22. Place of Care/Birth The place that looked after your you whilst you were pregnant. Share a photo of those who took care of you and your baby. This could be a midwife/doula/friend/partner.
Day 23. Their Name/Their Photo If you feel comfortable, share a photo of your baby/ies/child/ren who you are remembering this month. If you do not have photos, you could use an ultrasound image or something that represents them.
Day 24. Siblings This could be done two ways – your could photograph your own siblings and post about how grief has affect them or you can post about your other living children. I know that not everyone has living children but I felt it was important to include the children who are left here to grieve their brothers and sisters. Capture a sibling, niece or nephew’s grief. Maybe you could share a drawing they have done or even just a photo of them holding something that represents their brother or sister that they are missing. Give them a voice here.
Day 25. Baby Shower/Blessing Share a photo from your baby shower or blessing. Maybe you could show everyone the gifts you received that you were not able to use.
Day 26. Their Age How old was your baby/ies/child/ren when they died. Write it down on a piece of paper. If they died whilst you were pregnant you can write their gestation.
Day 27. Artwork Share some artwork that reminds you of your baby/ies/child/ren or something that was created for them by you or someone else.
Day 28. Memory Share one of your most significant memories on this journey of grief, it can be a positive or negative memory.
Day 29. Music This might be hard to capture in a photograph so break the rules (that we don’t have, hah!) and post a youtube clip of a piece of music that reminds your of your baby/ies/child/ren
Day 30. Your Grief – Tell The World What do you want the world to know about this road you are travelling?  Do you just want your baby’s name to be spoken? Do you want others to know they are not alone? Whatever it is, write it down on a piece of paper and hold it up for the world to see! (We will be making a video clip of these images from this particular day!)
Day 31. Sunset To close this project and month I thought that we could all photograph the sunset from wherever we are in the world. If there is no sunset where you are, you can still take a photo of the early evening sky. You just need to be able to get to a window. Remember to caption what State/Country you are from and the time.

This project was created In Loving Memory of all the babies who died during pregnancy and the little ones that could only stay with their parents for the shortest of times. No parent should ever have to bury their child. We will speak about these precious lives. We will honour them. We will remember them.

Please share this project with anyone who you think it would help.

Love and blessings to you all.

My Photos…

Please note that submissions for this project have now closed. If you missed out on submitting a prayer flag to us in memory of your babies and children you can still have their names included at our ceremony. We will be letting everyone know on my facebook page about this on Monday October 8th so please visit then!

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This evening I’ve been sitting on my couch with my girls. We are making some flags for a party we are having in a couple of weeks to celebrate the end of this relentless Winter, oh and the fact that I’m turning 30 as well. Anyway sitting there with my sweet hearts, I had an idea… I know another one.

I was writing some of my overseas and interstate friend’s names within the flags. The people who I wish would be able to come and celebrate with me but for obvious reasons, can’t. It is my way of having them there in spirit. Anyway back to this idea that I had. Each year for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day my girlfriends and I host a Remembrance Ceremony at Christian’s Beach. Each year I am saddened by the number of messages and emails I receive from people saying how much they wish they could come and attend ceremony, but because of their location, it’s just impossible. So this year I was thinking that I would love to invite everyone out their who has been touched by the loss of a baby or child to include their babies and children in our ceremony by making their own blessing/prayer flag to honour and remember them. Once they have completed their flags they can mail them down to us here in Perth Western Australia. My girlfriends and I (who I haven’t even asked yet but because they are AMAZING women, I know they will want to help) will get together and string all of the flags together to hang up at the beach for the candlelighting ceremony. I just think it will be such an amazing site to see all the flags on the beach as the sun sets.

Honour your babies and children and create something beautiful for them! I have a Pin Board with all different images of flags to get you thinking about what sort of flag you would like to make. You may want to use your flag to write your child a letter. You may simply want to have their name and special date. You could include a symbol that reminds you of them, like a bird or butterfly. You could choose any sort of material. You could use water colour paint, fabric paint or pens. You could add beads and buttons. The design possibilities are endless. If you are unsure on how to make a prayer flag just google prayer flag making tutorials!

We would love it if you could include your child’s name somewhere within the flag but please, do not stress if you did not give your baby a name. All that matters is that your create this flag with all the love that you have for your child. We will of course be taking photos of the end display for you all to see. Depending on how many flags are sent in we hope to have them all individually photographed and put into an online gallery.

Information you need to know:

We would really need to have your flags by October 1st so that we can have time to sew and string them all together. If you are not in Australia you need to allow 14 days for postage. Your flag will be displayed at our beach ceremonies to come in the future so we will not be able to send it back to you… {a good excuse to make two huh?!}

Please make your prayer flag 9 width x 12 length inches. The top inch & 1/2 will be folded over when we string it up so please keep that in mind when you create your flag’s design. It might be a good idea to wrap your flag in a plastic bag to protect it from any sort of water damage while it is on it’s way down to us.

Please include with your flag a note from you letting us know who the flag was made in memory of and a little about them, like their special dates and what part of the world they were from. Please also include a contact email addess for yourself.

I so look forward to including your babies and children in such a meaningful and awe inspiring way at our candlelight beach ceremony this October. It is going to be something else. Please feel welcome to share this on your favourite social media website.

Much love and blessings to you all!