In the early hours of this morning I lay our living room with River wrapped up under my arm. We were sleeping on the fold out bed that in the day hides beneath the couch. I sleep there most nights. I can’t sleep too far away from my babes. It was so quiet outside. I watched our outdoor fairy lights dance as the blew around in the gentle breeze. Usually each midnight I go outside and whisper I love yous to my son and Grandad but there was no stars last night only heavy cloud. Heaven felt so far away.
In the last remaining hours of 2011 I thought about my year. This year has been so many things for me. There have been so many blessings yet so much sadness. This year I feel that the sad times have outweighed the happy ones. My daughters suffered through the long Winter. I cant even count how many times we were in hospital this year. There were illnesses, a car accident and a car break in and the loss of one of my friendships. But the worst thing – my Grandad died. My beautiful Grandad. The only thing I will miss about 2011 is that this is the very last time that I can say that I am in the year that my Granddad was alive. I miss him so. He lived a long and beautiful life and I am so relieved for him that his pain is over, but I am sad for me. Sad for my family who miss him just as much as I do.
My heart was so heavy last night. I thought of all my friends who struggle just to get pregnant let alone hold a pregnancy. I thought of all my friend who’s only babies are not with them cuddled under their arms and then I thought about all the families who in this new year will join our community.
Oh man, life is heavy sometimes.
As I lay there feeling the lowest of lows River let out a giggle in her sleep, she then went on to say “Marry Cwismas!” Oh how I laughed. It was then that I realized that even though this year has been really difficult there has been so many great times. I got to meet Sue – my best friend – in person for the first time and she stayed at my place! We got to share sunsets together and the dolphins visited us. My brother moved home from Melbourne (still coming to terms with how bad those watermelon shorts actually are). Wednesday evenings this year were date nights with Amy watching Offspring together (love you girl - can’t wait for the next season!). Many late nights were spent with our awesome neighbours. There were Summer nights spent with the Hayden-Evan’s crew at Mullaloo Beach – love you guys! 2am emails with Franchesca in Texas discussing our card line and calendars. Eddie Vedder’s solo gig! I finally watched Twilight 
Afternoons, evenings, beach visits and morning teas with my Luminous Light girlfriends. August 19th Memory Box drop off. I met so many amazing people this year! The Heartfelt Exhibition was so worth the flight over. I got to finally meet some beautiful bloggers in Melbourne. I shared a pizza with Sal and Soph. (so wished I could have pressed pause on that evening girls) There was the day that the girls redecorated the walls of our home with crayons (they did an amazing job! Oh dear.) There was my surprise birthday with my closest of friends and these are just some of the good times of 2011. Funny how the bad always outweighs the good even if it is not actually balanced that way.
2012 I welcome you with open arms. Let my children have a break from illness. May there be no hospital trips. May River love Kindy, may Scarlett love year 1. May Ocealalosha keep growing as beautifully as she is.
Thank you to everyone that has supported our work this year, whether you have sent us your love, left a comment on one of our photos, purchased some work from us or donated to Christian’s Legacy for your children’s sunset photos, whatever it is you have done – Thank you from the bottom our our hearts. We feel blessed and are able to continue our work because of you.
May 2012 be a beautiful year for you whatever road it is you are traveling. Remember that you can always find beauty in life even when there seems to be only darkness.
That was beautiful Carly. Such a huge year. I really hope the girls have a much healthier year next year. So draining to see our little ones suffer and my word you got a few extra helpings of that. Thinking of you guys, and yes, wishing we could have spent more time together on your last visit. It was so wonderful to have you there. Sending much love and many hugs. xx
What a beautiful post. I love that River let out that sweet giggle, what perfect timing. Wishing you many blessings as the new year approaches. soooo thankful for you!!!
Xxxx
Beautifully writen.
Big hugs to you and your family! I hope 2012 is full of many amazing things for us all. Hope you have a special NYE!!
xxx
Thank you for everything, Carly. May you and your family be truly blessed in 2012… and forever! Love, light and peace!
Wishing you all a year of happiness, peace and health. I cannot tell you how much I absolutely adore our photos from Christian’s beach. Blessings to you all.
I am hoping for 2012 to be a good year for many
Prayers for you and your sweet family for the coming year! May 2012 be both gentle and wonderful for you!
xoxox
A happy and a peaceful 2012 to you and yours, Carls. You know, if all our little ones are up there painting the sunset, maybe our beloved grandfathers are teaching each other about baseball and cricket. Sending you all love and peace for the New Year.
Dear CarlyMarie River Scarlett Ocea and Mr Dudley. I am so grateful for your inspiration and the comfort of your photography. I created a photobook of my family for gifts this Christmas … and it so nice to be able to put some pages in memory of Emerson . Xavier . Charli . and Co. to remind our family of our 4 Angels in heaven. with warmth and love. Lisa Leece
2011 seems to have been a very hard year for many people in my life…my husband and I not excluded when in Feb of 2011 we found out he had cancer, had surgery in March and our son was born to be an Angel in April. There is so much of 2011 that made it a “bad” year, but I still made sure to count stock of my blessings, no matter how small. I became a Mom in 2011 for the very first time. Although he isn’t here on earth, he is still my son, and I still have the privilege and honor of telling people, “yes, I am a mother”. My family got to meet our son and hold him for the eight hours and fifty-two minutes that we were in the hospital with him. I started an organization in my area with another Mother of Angel’s in June in my area to help woman that are going through a stillbirth or early birth. I have met amazing, strong, powerful women that are now some of my dearest friends, all because of Ethan. I hope 2012 brings you the brightest and most beautiful blessings. I truly appreciate your work and I was so happy to have gotten your e-mail this morning that said Ethan’s name had been written. I count you as one of those amazing women that I have been lucky enough to have “met”. XO to you and your family, including your Angel Babies and your Granddad.
Dearest CarlyMarie,
Without meeting It is clear just how much of a beautiful soul you are.
My gratitude to you can not be expressed in words for the amazing picture you have created for my husband and I, along with our family. Marina will surley thank you herself (one day) for the peace you have sent and brought into our home with her beautiful name written in the sand.
I draw strength from your website and all of its softness that is received. I received a memory box, at The hospital, donated from Mums Like Me. Erin is amazing isn’t she. I am eternally grateful to both Erin and yourself for helping me believe good is still out there. Since meeting Erin here in NSW, I have started making little towels to go into the memory boxes for other Parents. Together we all will survive.
I pray and hope this year brings joy and soft whispers of encouragement for all the Mothers out there. We need not speak to know the pain you bare.
Much love,
Teresa (Marinas Mummy)
Beautiful post, Carly. Thank you for all the good you do! Here’s hoping you and your family have a beautiful 2012.
xoxo
p.s. what a strength-building year you’ve had–you can’t be anything less than ready for ’12!
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