In the early hours of this morning I lay our living room with River wrapped up under my arm. We were sleeping on the fold out bed that in the day hides beneath the couch. I sleep there most nights. I can’t sleep too far away from my babes. It was so quiet outside. I watched our outdoor fairy lights dance as the blew around in the gentle breeze. Usually each midnight I go outside and whisper I love yous to my son and Grandad but there was no stars last night only heavy cloud. Heaven felt so far away.
In the last remaining hours of 2011 I thought about my year. This year has been so many things for me. There have been so many blessings yet so much sadness. This year I feel that the sad times have outweighed the happy ones. My daughters suffered through the long Winter. I cant even count how many times we were in hospital this year. There were illnesses, a car accident and a car break in and the loss of one of my friendships. But the worst thing – my Grandad died. My beautiful Grandad. The only thing I will miss about 2011 is that this is the very last time that I can say that I am in the year that my Granddad was alive. I miss him so. He lived a long and beautiful life and I am so relieved for him that his pain is over, but I am sad for me. Sad for my family who miss him just as much as I do.
My heart was so heavy last night. I thought of all my friends who struggle just to get pregnant let alone hold a pregnancy. I thought of all my friend who’s only babies are not with them cuddled under their arms and then I thought about all the families who in this new year will join our community.
Oh man, life is heavy sometimes.
As I lay there feeling the lowest of lows River let out a giggle in her sleep, she then went on to say “Marry Cwismas!” Oh how I laughed. It was then that I realized that even though this year has been really difficult there has been so many great times. I got to meet Sue – my best friend – in person for the first time and she stayed at my place! We got to share sunsets together and the dolphins visited us. My brother moved home from Melbourne (still coming to terms with how bad those watermelon shorts actually are). Wednesday evenings this year were date nights with Amy watching Offspring together (love you girl - can’t wait for the next season!). Many late nights were spent with our awesome neighbours. There were Summer nights spent with the Hayden-Evan’s crew at Mullaloo Beach – love you guys! 2am emails with Franchesca in Texas discussing our card line and calendars. Eddie Vedder’s solo gig! I finally watched Twilight Afternoons, evenings, beach visits and morning teas with my Luminous Light girlfriends. August 19th Memory Box drop off. I met so many amazing people this year! The Heartfelt Exhibition was so worth the flight over. I got to finally meet some beautiful bloggers in Melbourne. I shared a pizza with Sal and Soph. (so wished I could have pressed pause on that evening girls) There was the day that the girls redecorated the walls of our home with crayons (they did an amazing job! Oh dear.) There was my surprise birthday with my closest of friends and these are just some of the good times of 2011. Funny how the bad always outweighs the good even if it is not actually balanced that way.
2012 I welcome you with open arms. Let my children have a break from illness. May there be no hospital trips. May River love Kindy, may Scarlett love year 1. May Ocealalosha keep growing as beautifully as she is.
Thank you to everyone that has supported our work this year, whether you have sent us your love, left a comment on one of our photos, purchased some work from us or donated to Christian’s Legacy for your children’s sunset photos, whatever it is you have done – Thank you from the bottom our our hearts. We feel blessed and are able to continue our work because of you.
May 2012 be a beautiful year for you whatever road it is you are traveling. Remember that you can always find beauty in life even when there seems to be only darkness.