I choose my words very carefully before I speak on the internet. Sometimes so much that I guess I hide who I really am. But yes I am afraid of offending others, or worse, upsetting someone.
Last night I received some nasty mail. It came from a woman who is angry at me for influencing others to have surgical births. What? When do I ever speak about that? At first I thought she had me mixed up with someone else and then she referenced one of my old blogs where I stated that I was going to have a c-section with Ocea. Anyway this person went on to say that by me doing this I am just as bad as all the birth rapists in this world and that I am only adding babies names to my list at the beach. That is a bit heavy isn’t it? I googled birth rapist and from what I could see it is a term for a person in the medical profession who makes decisions without asking the patient. One site was totally against obstericians all together. Wow. I felt so sad about this. My obstetrician is possibly the most gentle, kindest person I know, she saved Scarlett’s life, she saved my life. And I can tell you that the last thing I ever felt after delivering my 4 babies was raped even though one of them was pulled out with a vacuum. Anyway this lady who by the sounds of it is a very hurt soul made me realize that I don’t often stand up for myself and my beliefs. If anything I hide them away. So today I am putting on some big girl pants and I am going to share some things about me that you may not know. Some of it you may not like. You may even hate. But this is me. I am not asking you to like me but I do ask that you respect my choices in this life just as I would respect yours.
So who am I?CarlyMarie – I am the the person who butts in and stands up for the person standing behind the counter when the other customer is being petty. I am the mother who struggles to get her daughters to school on time. The Queen of Midnight Pancakes. The Daughter. The Big Sister. The Loving, Tired and Cranky, Know It All Wife. The Tooth Fairy Messenger. The Interior Designer. I’m The Banisher of Night Time Monsters. The Spirit Whisperer, The Sleepless Warrior. I am The Spew Bucket Holder. The Cleaning Faery. The Dishwashing Faery. The clothes Washing Faery. The Tickle Monster. I’m the girl fighting to hold back tears at the concert. The Drawer of Butterflies. The woman who wishes you hadn’t of asked her how many children she has. I am The Bereaved Mother holding a basket of rose petals on the beach. But most of all I am a mother.
I love my children more than anything in this world.
I don’t have a lot of time to give anyone. The time that I do have goes to my children and my husband.
I have really close and amazingly loving friends, you know who you are. I treasure you.
I eat way too many pancakes. But seriously how good are pancakes?
I have a sleep disorder.
I get angry when I am told by people that the relationship I share with Ocea and River would be stronger or closer if they had have been born naturally rather than by c-section.
I like, no LOVE my c-section scars. They remind me of two of the most beautiful moments of my life. And in the words of Stephanie Cole I would take a surgical birth over a stillbirth any day. I have never understood women who advocate for women’s birthing choices yet hate on women who choose to birth their baby in a hospital. I am cool with you birthing your baby at home, it just isn’t something I would choose to do for myself and my baby… but seriously why can’t we all get along y’all?!
I breastfed my daughters for a four months each. I have been spoken down to by other mothers for having to use formula, even though it was my only option.
I don’t care how you feed your baby – just feed it.
I vaccinate my children, no regrets.
I get real annoyed when people say we must have a demon in our house because my children are always so sick – yeah you are right there is a demon and his name is Asthma.
I do get hurt easily.
I choose to find beauty and healing in all situations, except for gastro – there aint nothing beautiful about that.
I loathe my mobile phone. I am terrible at texting back. I am terrible at returning calls.
I let my children sleep in the same bed as me. I can cuddle them for hours.
We don’t have a strict routine in our house.
I do make wishes on stars.
I let my children paint and make an awesome mess.
I let River bodyboard even though she is only 3 years old. Lets face it that kid is nuts and she can do just about anything.
With every candle I burn each day there is a prayer said.
My children are allowed to play in the dirt with no shoes on.
I love digging my hands in the earth of my garden. It grounds me.
I hate cooking. I. Am. So. Bad. At. It.
But I love eating.
I am a sucker for Mark Wahlberg movies -Shooter and The Lovely Bones are up there with my favourite movies of all time.
My favourite childhood movie is The Goonies. Hey you guuuuuyyyyysss!!!!
Music is everything to me.
I LOVE being at a live music gig – that is home for me.
I do not drink alcohol at all.
I hate illicit drugs, especially when parents do them.
I have never been out of Australia.
I am frightened of the ocean after a bad collision with some jellyfish when I was 20 years old. Dude.
Yes, I loved the twilight movies, no I am not going to line up the day before the new movie comes out.
I go outside each night and stare up at the stars and speak to my dead relatives (she must be crazy!)
I work my butt off – I take on too much.
I need to start taking Sundays off.
I hate saying no but I am not afraid to do so.
I get nervous before we hold events at the beach.
I believe in healing.
I do believe there is a God.
But please don’t ask me to join a site against gay marriage.
I will never share a photo of my son online. That doesn’t mean I don’t love him or that he wasn’t real.
I hate numbers.
I don’t want you to like my page if you don’t.
You will never find a “like my page to enter” sign on my blog.
I hate competitiveness, especially when it raises its ugly head in charities in this community.
I don’t like it when people steal my photographs. Especially when they go on to sell them.
It has never sat well with me when my son is referred to as an angel. He is a little boy.
I love my neighbours, literally, they are awesome people and I feel very blessed that we were brought together.
I swear sometimes. Okay probably more than sometimes.
I wish I had nicer clothes, longer hair, paint on our walls.
I will support anyone and everyone who has lost a child. It does not matter to me how your child passed. And no that does not make me pro abortion. It just means I choose to love and support, rather than hate, belittle and judge.
I don’t believe in karma anymore.
I don’t believe you can please everyone.
We are all different people with different beliefs and that is what makes us all so interesting and even beautiful. I may not believe the same things as you and. that. is. okay.