I choose my words very carefully before I speak on the internet. Sometimes so much that I guess I hide who I really am. But yes I am afraid of offending others, or worse, upsetting someone.
Last night I received some nasty mail. It came from a woman who is angry at me for influencing others to have surgical births. What? When do I ever speak about that? At first I thought she had me mixed up with someone else and then she referenced one of my old blogs where I stated that I was going to have a c-section with Ocea. Anyway this person went on to say that by me doing this I am just as bad as all the birth rapists in this world and that I am only adding babies names to my list at the beach. That is a bit heavy isn’t it? I googled birth rapist and from what I could see it is a term for a person in the medical profession who makes decisions without asking the patient. One site was totally against obstericians all together. Wow. I felt so sad about this. My obstetrician is possibly the most gentle, kindest person I know, she saved Scarlett’s life, she saved my life. And I can tell you that the last thing I ever felt after delivering my 4 babies was raped even though one of them was pulled out with a vacuum. Anyway this lady who by the sounds of it is a very hurt soul made me realize that I don’t often stand up for myself and my beliefs. If anything I hide them away. So today I am putting on some big girl pants and I am going to share some things about me that you may not know. Some of it you may not like. You may even hate. But this is me. I am not asking you to like me but I do ask that you respect my choices in this life just as I would respect yours.
So who am I?CarlyMarie – I am the the person who butts in and stands up for the person standing behind the counter when the other customer is being petty. I am the mother who struggles to get her daughters to school on time. The Queen of Midnight Pancakes. The Daughter. The Big Sister. The Loving, Tired and Cranky, Know It All Wife. The Tooth Fairy Messenger. The Interior Designer. I’m The Banisher of Night Time Monsters. The Spirit Whisperer, The Sleepless Warrior. I am The Spew Bucket Holder. The Cleaning Faery. The Dishwashing Faery. The clothes Washing Faery. The Tickle Monster. I’m the girl fighting to hold back tears at the concert. The Drawer of Butterflies. The woman who wishes you hadn’t of asked her how many children she has. I am The Bereaved Mother holding a basket of rose petals on the beach. But most of all I am a mother.
I love my children more than anything in this world.
I don’t have a lot of time to give anyone. The time that I do have goes to my children and my husband.
I have really close and amazingly loving friends, you know who you are. I treasure you.
I eat way too many pancakes. But seriously how good are pancakes?
I have a sleep disorder.
I get angry when I am told by people that the relationship I share with Ocea and River would be stronger or closer if they had have been born naturally rather than by c-section.
I like, no LOVE my c-section scars. They remind me of two of the most beautiful moments of my life. And in the words of Stephanie Cole I would take a surgical birth over a stillbirth any day. I have never understood women who advocate for women’s birthing choices yet hate on women who choose to birth their baby in a hospital. I am cool with you birthing your baby at home, it just isn’t something I would choose to do for myself and my baby… but seriously why can’t we all get along y’all?!
I breastfed my daughters for a four months each. I have been spoken down to by other mothers for having to use formula, even though it was my only option.
I don’t care how you feed your baby – just feed it.
I vaccinate my children, no regrets.
I get real annoyed when people say we must have a demon in our house because my children are always so sick – yeah you are right there is a demon and his name is Asthma.
I do get hurt easily.
I choose to find beauty and healing in all situations, except for gastro – there aint nothing beautiful about that.
I loathe my mobile phone. I am terrible at texting back. I am terrible at returning calls.
I let my children sleep in the same bed as me. I can cuddle them for hours.
We don’t have a strict routine in our house.
I do make wishes on stars.
I let my children paint and make an awesome mess.
I let River bodyboard even though she is only 3 years old. Lets face it that kid is nuts and she can do just about anything.
With every candle I burn each day there is a prayer said.
My children are allowed to play in the dirt with no shoes on.
I love digging my hands in the earth of my garden. It grounds me.
I hate cooking. I. Am. So. Bad. At. It.
But I love eating.
I am a sucker for Mark Wahlberg movies -Shooter and The Lovely Bones are up there with my favourite movies of all time.
My favourite childhood movie is The Goonies. Hey you guuuuuyyyyysss!!!!
Music is everything to me.
I LOVE being at a live music gig – that is home for me.
I do not drink alcohol at all.
I hate illicit drugs, especially when parents do them.
I have never been out of Australia.
I am frightened of the ocean after a bad collision with some jellyfish when I was 20 years old. Dude.
Yes, I loved the twilight movies, no I am not going to line up the day before the new movie comes out.
I go outside each night and stare up at the stars and speak to my dead relatives (she must be crazy!)
I work my butt off – I take on too much.
I need to start taking Sundays off.
I hate saying no but I am not afraid to do so.
I get nervous before we hold events at the beach.
I believe in healing.
I do believe there is a God.
But please don’t ask me to join a site against gay marriage.
I will never share a photo of my son online. That doesn’t mean I don’t love him or that he wasn’t real.
I hate numbers.
I don’t want you to like my page if you don’t.
You will never find a “like my page to enter” sign on my blog.
I hate competitiveness, especially when it raises its ugly head in charities in this community.
I don’t like it when people steal my photographs. Especially when they go on to sell them.
It has never sat well with me when my son is referred to as an angel. He is a little boy.
I love my neighbours, literally, they are awesome people and I feel very blessed that we were brought together.
I swear sometimes. Okay probably more than sometimes.
I wish I had nicer clothes, longer hair, paint on our walls.
I will support anyone and everyone who has lost a child. It does not matter to me how your child passed. And no that does not make me pro abortion. It just means I choose to love and support, rather than hate, belittle and judge.
I don’t believe in karma anymore.
I don’t believe you can please everyone.
We are all different people with different beliefs and that is what makes us all so interesting and even beautiful. I may not believe the same things as you and. that. is. okay.
Good job Carly. I find myself editing my blog posts and even Facebook posts. I wish that I could just let it loose. I’m proud of you for sharing. Some people are open to differences and some will never be.
The big girl panties fit just fine. I feel alot of the same things you do. Thank you for being able to verbalize them. You are a gift to alot of us and especially those closest to you.
THANK YOU!!
Shame on that person for hurting you!! How dare her! I don’t even know you personally and just know how truly amazing you are. Don’t ever let that person put you down. You do amazing work. Stupid lady!! Makes me so mad! Some people have to have a c-section. I did when my daughter was stuck in my birth canal.. and lady if your reading she didn’t die because of a c-section. I’m sorry you had to deal with that Carly.
Oh Carly. I am so angry at this woman for you. You always handle these sticky, awful situations with such grace- even when you’re being open. I don’t understand her cruelty to say the things she did, and you know what? I don’t want to understand someone that evil. She is obviously beyond help…
You are a beautiful soul Carly. Love you to pieces.
you need to do what is necessary thankfully I have never had to do that but only a MOTHER would do what is right … found this website by accident …. you are an insspriation keep up the good work women need it …. xx
I am so sorry someone felt it was her right to send you hate mail. What you do for us baby lost families is a wonderful thing, and I thankyou for it. I also had 2 out of my 3 children born by c-section, and am pleased I did, or maybe those 2 wouldn’t be here either.
Firstly……..I cannot believe the horrible things people say to you!!!! Secondly, I pretty much applaud everything you said…..especially the csection stuff……….. Saved both mine and my sons life! Thirdly…..I have met you once……I do not really know you, but I know enough, I have seen enough, I have heard enough of who you are and the life you live to know that you are a inspiring, creative, incredible person! It is so evident to me that you love those children with all of your being and as far as I am concerned that is more than what is required xxx
Wow. Thank you for sharing yourself. You’re right – you can’t please every one and as long as you’re happy with the person you are – nothing or no one else matters. BTW, I have had 6 c-sections – I wonder what that hater would say to me? lol. You wrote my son’s name on the beach – I haven’t had the money to buy a print, but someday I will – I have the link saved and when I’m sad I look at it and feel peace. You do an amazing thing here. I hope the haters don’t make you doubt yourself. Peace & Love always <3
Wow… you are so amazing. Thank you for being so open-minded and most importantly… real. You’re a lovely and beautiful person who has inspired me all the way in Canada. Thank you for everything you do, your sunset pictures are amazing and I cherish the one you did for me in memory of my precious little girl Sydney. Thank you also for not believing in karma & also for speaking your mind tonight – you’re so very very brave.
I love reading more about you! I feel so much of what you’ve written here. Many times I won’t say how I feel about something because I worry about offending others. I too don’t understand why others can’t always respect differences in people. You are beautiful inside and out. Thank you for writing this, I know it took a lot of courage. xo
Well said my friend
Well said. Our differences and what we believe in is what makes us different and unique, god if we all liked and shared the same opinion life would be utterly boring. Birth Rapist…..I have heard it all now lol. My god.
GOOD FOR YOU HUNNI !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay………. Proud of you , and really who gives a toss who do or doesnt like you, it is the ones closest to you that matter the most… i salute you once again and can relate to 98% of everything you said…
what you do is for OTHERS not for yourself…… Others , me included will be eternally Gr8ful xo
Perfect ♥ All this is why I love you so much ♥ take Sundays off
I love how candid you were in this post. You should never have to deal with such ugly behavior as you described here today. That lady is out of her right mind. Your work has brought so much peace to me in a time of struggle and I can never thank you enough for that. Your son is so proud of the legacy you created in his honor. I have always been very outspoken about my beliefs and I love it when others do the same. More power to you. Definitely no regrets girl. Love and peace from across the world.
Well done Carly, you never have to explain yourself to others you are an amazing person who brings light and love to so many around you. I feel so sad for the person that sent you the hate mail, they are obviously in desperate need of some help.
I usually don’t leave comments, but I have to tell you how much your blog has helped me on nights I couldn’t sleep after losing my baby. I don’t pretend to know you, but what you do is beautiful and selfless. I have two living children. One I breastfed and one I didn’t. I love all three of my children the same. It’s not how they come into the world or what they are fed it’s the moments you share no matter how brief. What I love most about your pictures is that they are all different. I have a picture of my daughter that is as unique and is as real as she is. I will see other sunsets, but it will never be the same as the one you took with my daughter’s name. Just as I may have another baby, but it doesn’t replace the one I lost. I now find her in every sunset and smile each time I think of your picture. Thank you for putting yourself out there and being there for me countless times without knowing it.
That is very upsetting. Some people are hurting and assume everyone is on the attack. While I have never agreed with the term ‘birth rape’, saying that is the term for an obestetrician is not quite true. It can be anyone. An OB, a nurse, even a midwife. It’s basically when you’ve told them you don’t want to have a certain procedure done and they do it anyways with out your specific consent…even if you(and husband/mother/doula) are all screaming for them to stop. Sometimes the procedure is performed when uneccessary, and without the proper anethesia. I have heard so many sad, horrible, brutal stories about women being mistreated by their Dr’s/midwives. Yes, usually it’s in a hospital setting because they are more likely to perform uneccessary interventions. These are not minor offenses. Women being mocked for their physical pain, strapped down, being stiched without meds, having their uterus scraped without a local, etc. Rape victims may understand this because rape doesn’t have to be sexual. The original meaning of the word came from pilage or to be carried off and plundered. Sometimes the abuse is so bad that these women later suffer from PTSD. Extreme cases? of course, but it does happen. All the time. To American women. Until Americans take a step back and realize that birth is something that women were made to do-are ABLE to do just fine, this injustice will continue. And you’re right, she shouldn’t have judged you for having a c-section. For some women vaginal delivery is not an option. I know many women who would have loved to have their babies another way, but at the end of the day a healthy baby is the key. What gets me is that over 20% of all births in America are UNECCESARY c-sections. America rates number 39 in infant mortality and premature inductions and “emergency” c-sections are to blame.
“It has never sat well with me when my son is referred to as an angel. He is a little boy”
I feel the same way. Thanks for having the stones to say it. : ) And thank you for the beauty that you bring into so many lives by being yourself and by doing the work that you do.
I think people will only love you more for what you just shared, I do! And don’t be nervous not for one second! You, just as you are, is truly awesome! xxx
Agreed!
Carly you do wonderful things for people in their time of need-there will always be unhinged people and jealous people out there.
As for birthing, not everyone can have a natural birth, I agree a healthy baby and mother is what counts.
Lovely, Carly… I have to agree with the point about ‘angel babies’… when we lost Emily, I was astounded that I was all of a sudden an ‘Angel Mummy’ and that Emily has an ‘angelversary’. Now that I am pregnant for the 2nd time, I have become a ‘Rainbow Mummy’ and my new baby is a ‘Rainbow Baby’. All of this does not sit well with me. I had a daughter. Now we will have a son or daughter. Hopefully he or she lives, but if not, then they will still be a daughter or a son.
I understand that some people need this to heal… or to give them something to hold on to. I’m not being critical of them.
It’s just not me.
As for this ‘birth rapist’……. that is such an awful term! There is a connotation of all sorts of terrible images. I am a survivor of rape. Trust me, the birth of my daughter, much as it was so incredibly difficult as we knew that even after the 24 hour labour she was not going to be alive, was not rape. I just can’t even find the words to describe the immense gap between these two experiences and the emotions which accompany each of them.
All I can say is that it shows the level of emotional intelligence of this person. You have already risen above her.
Well said! Beautifully written..
Wow, the ugliness I have seen in the world the last week involving this community is astounding. My two cents; yes I had a c-section, an emergency c-section where my insides were sliced from top to bottom. Sorry to be graphic but that is what needed to be done to save my life and to have any chance of saving my daughter’s life. Therefore any subsequent children would have to be delivered by c-section to avoid rupture. I breast fed my son for about 2 weeks. Yes I had intentions of doing so longer but the poor child was starving!! I used to joke about my milk being sour. He is a beyond thriving 10 year old with no problems that could be associated with his lack of breast milk. Oh and he is fully vaccinated too with no ill effects. But like you said, to each his own. I am so sorry that you had to read that email, that you had to feel that awful pit in your stomach while reading those sick words. Thank you for being you!!
We love you too hun and for exactly who you are your amazing in everyway and good on you for being strong i’ve seen you almost at exploding point for always biting your tounge it’s nice to see you let it out.
What a horrible thing for that woman to do it is understandable that this term does exist as some medical professionals are horrendous god knows i’d love to sue the arse of everyone from my firsts childs birth who nearly killed us both but most of them are amazing and do the best they can sometimes cesareans are absolutely neccessary or the number of lost babies would be much much higher look how common babies dying was in our grandparents and great grandparents time as well as mothers dying.
I can not stand the thought of having a cesarean myself but I also understand what an amazing thing it is and that mothers all over the world owe there childs life to a cesarean. Yes giving birth is what a womans body is made to do but sometimes the bits don’t work properly just like in someone with asthma or someone with a disability but we would never even consider just ignoring these things and letting them go on as they are so why just ignore problems happening in the process of birth. Some people need to think before they speak and open there mind to knowledge available no matter how passionate they are such as this woman she may have had a bad experience but it’s not her place to class all experiences that way or put her judgement on someone else who is doing what they feel is right.
Dear Carly,
i want to say thankyou a thousand imes for who you are. Your site was one of the first i came across after my son was stillborn. The fact that you did a name is the sand in memory of MY son just amazed me and helped me through a very dark time- even a time i considered joining my son, but i woud look at that picture and know he was ok, and that i would be too. I have no words to describe how much i thank god for you, and i know that this in no way takes away the horrible words written to you by another, but hope it helps you continue in your work, knoing you make a difference
Lots of Love
Jodie
This is very well written… I have such a problem with the whole natural childbirth crowd lately. I have delivered three children- one totally natural, one vaginally, with drugs, and my last, a c-section. I have to say, having experienced all three, I would choose the c-section hands down, any day. The episiotomies from both of my vaginal births were more painful than my c-section incision. After the first day, I was up and able to do everything I was able to do after my other births.
This is such a pet peeve of mine.
I HATE that women put such weight on other women- while I wouldn’t recommend a c-section if you didn’t need it (it is major surgery), don’t try to make me feel guilty for having one.
The doctors were sure that my daughter would have been born still if I would have delivered vaginally, and because I had a c-section, I had her for a beautiful 1 hr. and 47 min. before she continued on her journey home.
And as far as utilizing pain medication- It’s ridiculous- we don’t live in 1853. I’ll bet pioneer women, giving birth on the side of a dirt road without sanitary conditions and the option of pain medication would have a different opinion of this than all of these so-called natural birth women. Natural birth means giving birth in a field somewhere, without soap and water- like animals. Giving birth in your living room is no more natural than a hoispital.
Sorry- this is just such an issue for me.
And…. just as an FYI. I am a Christian, non-immunizing, homeschooling, co-sleeping mom of 5 kids who gardens organically, cans her own fruit, and generally lives pretty naturally.
Oh… and a breastfeeder.
AND MY DAUGHTER IS NOT AN ANGEL EITHER!
She is a human being.
<3 not much else I can say…
I just wanted to join the many out here that think you are wonderful for everything you are. After having a stillbirth, my feelings on “natural childbirth” have changed immensely. But a friend of mine said it best: “Birth is a miracle. In every single way it occurs, and we should treat it as such. Every. Single. Time.” Much love to you, Carly.
I have never really liked calling my boys angels either. And I am a major twilight freak haha it’s like an addiction! I also talk to my boys every night I don’t really believe in heaven I like to say they are in the stars. Have you ever heard Bruno mars’ song talking to the moon? It is beautiful and reminds me of my boys.
You are an absolutely beautiful, inspiring, amazing person just the way you are! I love love love this post. I got chills reading it. I know how hard it can be being so raw and open out in front of others. this is completely awesome you saying this is who I am. and I love who you are
Yay……good on you for having such positive birth experiences no matter how they happened cannot believe that a birth nazi could be so horrible….all about birth rights but apparently your not allowed to control your own uterus…..birth rape is a term used when certain procedures are used against a womans consent, to just get the baby out etc etc a very valid concern for women and their bodies however you choosing to have a c-section is very far from it…..loads of love and blessings to you and well done for being so brave!!!!
Carly, what you have written is so great, thanks for sharing more of yourself! What that woman has said about you just makes me so sad. I dont know why anyone would be so hateful to anyone, least of all you. Everything you do to recognize and acknowledge our babies/children is so wonderful and so giving, that I can’t believe someone could be so hurtful to you. I have only met you once, but Carly you so impressed me with all you do for others, and how you have turned something as heartbreaking as losing Christian into something positive that reaches out to many, many others. My mind just boggles that someone would send you hate mail!?!? I hope after expressing yourself, you feel a bit lighter and able to let this woman’s comments go. I thank you for all you do Carly, truly I do. Oh!…..and by the way…….I REALLY think you should have Sundays off! Xx <3
Hi Carly,
Robynne up there ^ is one of my best friends and the quote she mentioned is one I wrote after Robynne’s daughter was born still. This is coming from me, someone who has been a homebirth advocate for over six years and has done a lot of work for cesarean awareness. There is a large and growing number of women who have experienced birth trauma and feel that something was unecessarily robbed from them, particularly here in the US, where our cesarean rates continue to rise and more babies are born via major surgery. After Robynne’s daughter died, everything changed for me. I can no longer attend ICAN meetings and listen to women cry about their cesareans when they indeed, have healthy, live babies out of the deal. At first, I was maddened and angry at them. But now that time has passed, and I have found perspective, I realize that everyone has a right to their own experience and their feelings about those experiences. Their feelings are still valid, and they are still hurting, but no–they have no idea what it means to truly be robbed. I can’t understand why this woman would write to you and say such terrible things. I just have to just believe that she is probably really hurting in her own way, and is unable to see outside of her own experience. As for me, homebirth still holds a big place in my heart, but when Robynne has her next baby, I will be right there, 100% supporting her choice, even if that choice is happening inside of an OR.
Lots of love to you and for everything you’re doing for so many.
Good on yer Carls. With you one hundred percent.
I love what you do and now I love it even more. I love people who are REAL. Where has tolerance and compassion disappeared to these days? Not to mention good manners. Some people are just plain rude. Good on you for saying something about it.
I cant believe that revolting woman. Who cares what she thinks about c sections. Everyone has different births and they dont always work out as planned. Ive had a natural and a c section and i love all my children the same. I had a midwife who was pro home birth at a private hospital give me a big lecture on why too many people have births in hospitals when it isnt required. This was after I gave birth to my stillborn Bella and little legend Ryan very prem at 32 weeks. He had heart problems and had to be pumped a few times over several days to get his heart started again. He stayed in hospital for 7 weeks before he was strong enough to come home. Go figure!I think you a a star Carly, and your girls are going to have the most amazing and interesting life full of love and fun having you as their mum .
Carly,
I am so very proud of you for standing up for yourself and what you believe. That woman was completely out of line. I can only pray that she finds happiness someday and that maybe, if she does, that she will come to realize how much her words hurt.
The amazing thing about free will and freedom of speech is that we are allowed to think as individuals. Life shapes who we become, and through both your heartache and your joy you have blossomed in to a beautiful, selfless, amazing wife, friend and Mother. Never apologize for who you are or what you choose to do with your life. So many of us have healing hearts, in part because of the amazing person that you are. Hold your head high and don’t let anyone cause you a moment’s doubt.
Thank you for who you are and all that you do!
Well said babe
but did you miss out chocolate there? lol love you Xxx
Thank you Carly for being brave and sharing your thoughts. We may be different in some ways but in a lot of ways too we are very alike.
Carly, so sad to read that you have had hate mail. You do so much for everyone – it really isn’t fair. I have to admit though it was nice to learn a little more about you. Hope the comments help to cheer you a bit and lift your spirits. Maybe she was just having a bad day and your shoulders looked pretty sturdy. You know you are awesome and so does everyone who has had anything to do with you. Thank you for all your hard work and everything you do.
You know what I HATE! that you had to justify yourself……….
How dare this woman attack you, your work and your beliefs
I wish you love and peace
I wrote a paper once on conforming non-conformists. It is exactly about that lady and people who want everyone to have a right to be different and think for themselves, but only if you think the same way they do. People do have a right to their own opinions, but not to smash anyone else’s, especially if they have not been through what another person has been through.
Respect Carly xx
Well said Carly. I had two c sections and bottle fed, I too have been told I took the easy way out. I don’t know how six of post op healing and post natal depression was the easy way out!
Carly, Although we have never met, I admire you, your work, your passion to help others and the love that you have and share with others. I love and truly respect what you wrote and agree that this person who sent you hate mail must indeed be a sad soul.
Oh this post. Thank you for being you.
Carly – what can I say? Some people just will never understand that it doesn’t matter how babies come out, as long as they do so safely. I loved reading more about you – you are such a special, loving, considerate person. Sending love across the ocean to you & yours!
I have never met you, and I do not personally know you. I feel an immense love for you because of what you do for the families of lost children. It sickens me that people do anything to hurt you because what you are doing is a gift from you and your family. You are an amazing woman doing amazing things. <3
Love Love LOVE this blog post. You said ur out of your comfort zone but you did a great job. I don’t know how else to describe it except that I love it and everything you have said
thanks for posting this.
Well said & Carly you are a beautiful person. Forever & ever I love you & all that you do for others.
very well said!
L O V E the big girl pants! Some times you just gotta slip those bad boys on & let loose! You are a kind, caring, compassionate, generous person & as long as YOU know that it really doesn’t matter what any crazy person says. Dude, there are a billion times more “Carly-lovers” out there than “Carly-haters”! XXX
Love you girl. Xxx
Shame on that woman for emailing you in the way that she did. We are all free to make the choices we feel are best for us and our children. No one who has the best intentions should be put down for their choices. I don’t know why she chose to pick on you but she obviously has stuff going on and you were the one she spewed it one. Sorry you had to deal with that! You are a great mom and anyone can tell you love your children very much!
Nicely said. If people hate on you for who you are then they are not worth your time. I do agree with you though in that I find myself editing my words on my blog, even though I am the ONLY on who has ever looked at it. I have it closed, but it was a way for me to get thoughts out fast enough once my Maggie passed. I am also protective of Maggie’s pictures. I have never posted them on-line and don’t plan to ever. I think it is more because those are very special memories to me and it is the only thing I can really protect of her. I understnad why not to post them. Plus some people will just judge and hate more if you do share them becasue then you “went to far” in sharing them. It is a vicious cycle. Saying no is also okay. You need to take care of yourself first. You are awesome! Don’t let that woman who hated on you because you had a c-section get to you. Shame on her! Like you said, you would rather have a C-section than a still birth! You have your daughters because of the surgical birth and that is something so special. Why risk your child’s life because others feel that it isa “wrong” way to give birth? Shame on them. I still cannot believe this woman said this to you. Keep doing what you are doing. You rock!
I love that you said “y’all”, it’s soo Texan.
But seriously, why do so many women feel they need to tear each other down. We should be building each other up. And I’m glad I now know more about you. ((HUGS))
Fantastic post Carly. I’m sorry that that woman hurt you, she is obviously wounded herself and has not yet found a way to cope with her pain but she should never have taken it out on you. Good on you for speaking your mind, we all love you because of it. You are awesome xox
You are so loved and cherished. Always remember that. xo
Wonderful, WONDERFUL post!
This is a fantastic post!
You’ve made me question how/why I call my daughter an angel and be danged if I have an answer.
Perfectly said
Good for you, Carly. Honest, well said and necessary. I cannot for the life of me understand these women who think less of another woman based on the way their beloved child exited their body. I’m glad you are standing up for yourself, and I love all the little pieces of your world that you shared with us in this post. You are a beautiful mother and a beautiful soul.
Beautiful as always Carly. You are a beautiful person.
What a hideous, inappropriate turn of phrase! Whatever your beliefs, choices, views you hold, they are yours and as you say, respect is mutual. It is our differences that makes us the wonderful, unique characters that we all are and what makes us human.
You were the first Baby Loss mom that i found on the internet.
I used to be one of those mom’s who judged other mom’s decisions but never to the level of sending nasty mail.
That speaks for itself. <<>>
She CLEARLY has never had an unfortunate event happen in childbirth.
I had a water birth planned and ended up getting a C-section! and i am thankful for that C-section or else I would have never been able to see my son alive for 3 days!
People do the best that they can by their children 99% of the time. To judge you, someone who extends themselves on a daily basis to a community that KNOWS how quickly circumstances and ideal situations can change, is just UBSURD.
There are LOTS of crazy people out there and LOTS of people with insecurity issues that once they get behind a keyboard feel empowered to “tell you how it is”. Unsolicited garbage is what i like to call it.
I grew up with my father getting hate mail. It’s a very upsetting thing. Whatever you do, realize that you have no control on how crazy other people are going to act.
You have control over you. and you are wonderful.
You touch people’s lives Carly. and sometimes people are jealous and want to rain on your parade.
Go ahead and let them try.
You have an entire community of woman backing you up and who will happily remind you of who are to us.
Ditto Carly!!!
It makes me sad that someone felt that they needed to ‘attack’ you in this way but keep wearing those big girl pants and stand up for yourself
We all need to support each other, we have all experienced tremendous pain x x
Each of us has our own thoughts and opinions. If we were all the same it would make this world quite dull. This woman whom thought she needed to share her anger with you, had an opinion. For whatever reason she has deep feelings regarding the issues she let you know about. I have strong opinions as well…I don’t feel I need to share those things with others all the time. Especially if it isn’t going to change my life or theirs for the better. Sometimes it is best to agree to disagree and not have to point the issue out. Hate is a terrible thing and causes people to lash out and hurt others…that is true intolerance. Carly you have blessed me deeply writing my sweet baby’s name on Christian’s beach. I don’t agree with all your personal choices, and that’s ok, you likely wouldn’t agree with many of mine either. The truth is you are doing an amazing thing in offering the service that you do. For those who don’t appreciate it, shouldn’t spend time on your blog/site.
Not sure why someone would try to tear down someone who has done so much good for this community.
Thank you for sharing a true piece of you.
thank you, thank you, thank you!
i randomly happened upon this blog post, and i couldn’t feel luckier that i did.
i don’t believe in karma anymore either.
my baby was a BABY, as real and as loved as much as anyone else’s, for the short time i had him.
i would love nothing more than to eat pancakes in bed every day of my life.
LOVE!! <3
Once again you amaze me with your grace and poise in dealing with things like this. You are beautiful for who you are…..as we all are. I wish you didn’t get belittled for your choice in birthing options. All anyone wants is a healthy baby, no matter the means.
xoxo
Thank you for being you. For sharing with us who you are, for daring to risk yourself in front of people who don’t know you. What comes across through your sites is that love shines from your heart. I love what you are doing – I just came across your work this evening for the first time.
With blessings
Ruby
id like to ask you some serious questions if you could just take a few moments out of your schedule to email me id grately appreciate it thanks lauran
I accidently stumbled upon your photography and just wanted to let you know that I am very humbled by such beauty. I found myself quite truely “getting lost” in your work. It matters not to me where beauty is found only that some wonderful soul has captured it. Thank-you.
After hearing your interview on Geoff Hutchinsons program i was almost in tears, i had a big lump in my throat, you are truly an amazing Lady Carlymarie helping to help heal so many women and families,i will pass on you wed site to my Daughter as i have to beautifull grandsons whom i could not think of loosing them.you are an Angel.
Billy.xx
So glad you are using your beautiful talents to help so many in their loss and to give so many hope – love your blog – so honest and so refreshing – wishing you and your family every peace and happiness from Ireland
Hi Carly, thank you so much for sharing, you are a beautiful “soul”! So much of what you wrote could have been about myself! Last night I was told by an unthoughtful relative that after my first pregnancy which resulted in me stillbirthing my beautiful twins that I did not handle my subsequent pregnancy very well, this pregnancy resulted in me birthing a sick premature baby (whom is healthy and the love of my life today) because I was terrified that my baby would die. I believe you should too speak your mind but not if it is cruel and in regards to situations such as this, some people should just learn to not comment! I am sorry that this lady targeted you but as you know she is a very hurt soul and could and probably would target anyone that crossed her path! I am now going to read the rest of your website, thank you again, peace, love and happiness to you and your family xxx
This is a beautiful post and you truly have a beautiful soul. I wanted to share that i have had the opportunity and pleasure of experiencing a vaginal birth and an emergency C-section (which saved my sons life, the cord was wrapped around his neck twice). The bond is no different, no matter how they get here. Thanks for sharing made me an instant fan!
I am so glad I found your site Carly! You have a new avid follower here
I am proud of my c-section scars too!!! If I didn’t have my first c-section my son would’ve certainly died! Then my second son was a late miscarriage/stillbirth at 20 weeks (natural). I was not going to take any risks with my 3rd son and my daughter, thank you very much!
Look forward to reading and looking at more of your beautiful blog <3
I loved everything you wrote above! I think you are amazing. I want to say that I had my first via c section and breastfed her for only 3 maybe 4 weeks. It didn’t work out for us. I had a vbac with my second child and breastfed him for 8 months. I just want to say that I love both my children and don’t love them differntly because of their very different births or feeding methods. (I counted my blessings for formula…some woman in the world would love to feed their starving children with it) I have stated that the hardest part of being a mom is sometimes other moms. Well said!!
she may be a hurt soul…but really? does it make her feel better to hurt you. good for you girl. we are all doing our best amidst our grief. i appreciate your love and gifts. If youre in the middle of a storm…remember there is always a beautiful rainbow afterwards. you are my beautiful rainbow!
Carly-you are my kind of person. You are such a beautiful, down-to-earth-person that how can we not love you. You are blessed.
I don’t believe in karma anymore.
This one statement sent a wave of emotion thru me. Sometimes I’m not sure that anyone will ever understand how I feel, but once in a while, with just a few words I am reminded that I am not alone.
Thank You.
This post is great. Love your work. Thank you so much so stating what you think yet still remaining respectful. It’s not okay for people to send hate mail, or worse – faceless hate emails. What a coward act hate emails are.