Falling pregnant after enduring the loss of a baby at any age or gestation can be an emotional rollercoaster. Your innocence has been taken from you. There is not blissful pregnancy anymore. You may feel anxious, worried, frightened, excited, joyful and thankful all in the one day.
You may have many fears about this new road that you have begun to walk and that is completely normal and understandable. There is no real magic cure to get over your fears but there are some things that you can do that may help to calm your mind and worried heart.
Women handle pregnancy after loss differently. Some women distance themselves from their baby as a means to protect themselves from another loss. They feel that if they don’t connect with their baby then they will not suffer so much if the baby dies. Other women do everything possible to connect with their baby. They want to make as many memories as possible.
When Should We Announce The Pregnancy?
This is a very personal decision. There is no right or wrong time. Some people wait until they are 13 weeks as that is a time that society believes everything will be okay from that point on… oh don’t we in this community know better than that. Some people try to hold off telling family until they have past the point of the gestation of their previous baby that died. They do this to avoid having family and friends always asking them questions on how they are feeling and so on. Obviously you can only hide a pregnancy for so long before if becomes obvious. Others tell their family and friends straight away so that they have a support network from day one. The only issue people may have that is the baby does pass away they have to go through the experience of notifying everyone of their loss. Do what feels right for you.
This Is A Different Baby
It is only natural that your heart and mind are with your little one that could not stay with you. You need to take this pregnancy one day at a time. This is a different baby, a completely new life. You need to focus your energy on today, not tomorrow. Worrying about tomorrow and the week after that and the month after that will only bring you anxiety and that is the last thing you need to feel right now. it is important for you to relax as much as possible. Make sure you can get outside each day for some fresh air even if it is just for 5 minutes. Spend that time focusing on your breathing. Take deep long breaths. Do this whenever you are feeling really anxious.
Find yourself a support group online for people who are pregnant after experiencing a loss. There is a really sweet page on facebook that is uplifting and positive. Talking to others who are going through what you are will be helpful to you and you will not feel so alone. If you read grief blogs you may want to distance yourself a little from the real heavy stuff as you need to remain as positive as possible to help you get through the remaining months of your pregnancy. People will tend to warn you of all the things that could possibly go wrong with your pregnancy… “watch out for this and watch out for that” These people mean only good things for you but at the end of the day there a a million different things that could wrong and if you were going to try and concertrate on them all you will end up in a very bad place. Staying positive can be a real challenge after everything you have been through but it is really important to spend your precious engery on things that will uplift you rather than drag you down into a deep hole. Some people read a positive affirmations when they get up in the morning, others spend time meditating/praying or spending their spare time doing something they enjoy and love. Find something that works for you.
Hospital and Clinic Appointments
You may want to arrange a friend or family member to accompany you to your appointments if you have to go to a place that may bring upsetting memories to you. Having emotional support will be of great help to you. Make sure you tell your care giver how you are feeling and ask them any questions that you may have.
What To Do If You Are Worried ABout Your Baby
Call your midwife or obstetrician. Always go with your gut, if something feels wrong to you or you are worried just go into the ER. Do not worry that you are wasting anybodies time – you are not.
Should I have A Baby Shower?
This is completely up to you. Never feel pressured into doing anything that you are not comfortable with. A really beautiful alternative to a baby shower is a mother and baby blessing ceremony. To read more about them click here.
Should I Bother Having A Birth Plan?
Birth plans are a good thing to have. We all know though that sometimes when you make plans, life gets in the way and changes your plans for you. In saying that though write yourself out a plan for what you would like to have happen on the day of your child’s birth. SPeak to your midwife/ob about your wishes and desires.
We wish you all the peace and love in the world for this road you are walking. We hope you found this information helpful.